My partner and I have searched for this item for our entire lives, so rare it doesn't have a price. It has taken years just to find the lost location. Back in ancient Egypt when they had a king, everyone gave the king their most valued possession like gold and silver. One day a man came and explained ‘i am poor i have nothing to give you’
The king was furious. ‘You must have something’. The poor man presented a gold viola. That very night the king asked someone to play this instrument but it was melted into liquid gold.
Bridie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this tale. I feel like the king might have learned a lesson in this--maybe about the consequences of greed? You have done a good job including the focus words. Keep writing.
Mrs. G., Team 100, Guilderland, NY
To Bridie, I like that you have used paragraphs in your work. I like the part were in your writing it says "That very night the king asked someone to play this instrument but it was melted into liquid gold. " That is a very good Sentence. In my opinion I would put some more descriptive language in your writing. From, Isabelle
ReplyDeleteTo Bridie
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used paragraphs to separate your working into your ideas. I also liked how you used words like presented. I can imagine what is happening in your writing. Do you play any instruments?
From Charlotte
Dear Bridie,
ReplyDeleteI like how you said 'so rare it doesn't have a price' You're a very good writer! You could use some personification in your writing to give it a bit of flare. Not that you need it but it'll enhance your writing even more!
Is there something that inspired your writing?
From,
Bridie